Broken Cisterns

I’ve been tired lately. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. It’s been a hard year for everyone, and it’s taken a toll on us in more ways than one. I’ve been in and out of church, not quite as consistent as I used to be before the pandemic, and it shows.

I’ve messed up more times than I’d care to admit and in more ways than one. I’ve been hard on myself for not being able to “get it together.” I’ve believed the lies that I’m just “not okay right now” or that I’m “not in a good place.”

When did I start to believe that and why?

I let a couple of mistakes and a couple of poor decisions start to define me. I took it on and owned it, letting it become part of my identity in a way. I starting walking in the emptiness of the world, rather than walking in God’s way.

A few weeks ago I started reading the book of Jeremiah. It wasn’t a thought-through decision—I just knew I needed to dive back into God’s word and that was the first book that came to mind. God knew it’s exactly what I needed and have needed for some time.

The Lord speaks about Israel in Jeremiah 2:2, “I remember concerning you the devotion of your youth, The love of your betrothals, Your following after Me in the wilderness, Through a land not sown.”

He speaks of their commitment and faithfulness, how they followed after Him even in the unknown and the difficult seasons. But then the Lord goes on to say in verse 4, “they went far from Me And walked after emptiness and became empty.”

The book of Jeremiah feels a lot like my own story. I’ve been following God and seeking Him, but at times and during hard seasons other things get in the way. I too easily get distracted by the shiny things of the world. I walk after emptiness and find myself empty.

“For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, The fountain of living waters, To hew for themselves cisterns, Broken cisterns That can hold no water.” Jeremiah 2:13

Broken cisterns. That’s all too often where I put my attention, my energy, my time, and my affection. I pour myself into the things of this world, thinking it’ll hold, thinking it’ll satisfy and make me happy, hoping the entertainment will be enough to distract me from the stress and troubles, from the not-so-shiny things of the world.

But it doesn’t. It never does. It only leaves me empty and broken. It creates painful gaps that now only God can heal. That’s what it means to go my own way and forsake God’s way. It’s full of false promises and only causes hurt. It’s disorienting and confusing. It perverts and exploits, not protects.

The world’s way leaves you pretty messed up, and ultimately nothing about that way satisfies.

Israel had become “a harlot with many lovers,” yet they still turned to God (Jeremiah 3:1). How often do I do the same? I chase after distraction, I walk the line between temptation and sin, thinking I’m strong enough to keep myself from slipping. Yet when it all crumbles, I run back to Him, not even forsaking my old ways but somehow believing I can hold onto both.

“Thus says the Lord, ‘Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls.’” Jeremiah 6:16

I’m most satisfied, most content, and most at peace when my energy and attention is directed towards Him, when I don’t allow the things of this world to rise above the place of my First Love.

I’ve found that when I drink of the Living Water, I don’t thirst for anything else. But if I fail to seek Him, if I fail to chase after Him, then that’s when I turn away. That’s when I look to other things and start to fill the broken cisterns rather than be filled by the Fountain of Life Himself.

And, in that, I’ve had to forgive myself, just as God forgives me. I’ve had to remind myself that I’m not in a bad place, that I’m not the stupid mistakes I’ve made or the things that I’ve run to.

I am still His. I am “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that [I] may declare the praises of Him who called [me] out of darkness into His wonderful light.” (1 Peter 2: 9)

I am all of this not because of what I’ve done or failed to do, but because of who He is. And it doesn’t matter how much time has gone by or how many broken cisterns I’ve tried to fill. He’s still God, and He still loves me more than I can ever imagine. He still paid the price for my sins, and He’s still in the process of transforming me every day. He’s still working on me and leading me. And I may fall short time and time again, but I’m never beyond His reach, never outside of the power of His infinite mercy.

That’s what encourages me today. That’s what I’ll hold onto tomorrow. And that’s what I wanted to share—hoping it’ll remind you of the same. “For with the LORD there is lovingkindness, And with Him is abundant redemption.” Psalm 130:7