When You Feel Far
The past month or so, I’ve felt far from God. I wrote my last post about waiting, and after that I became distracted—by the business of school, the lack of a set schedule, wanting to spend every minute with friends before summer takes us all in different directions. And it shows.
I lost my joy, because true joy can only be found in the Father. I was going through the motions, doing all the same things I knew to be right but not truly connecting with and abiding in Him. I felt empty, anxious, and so distant. I struggled to hear His voice, and because of that, I had no sense of direction.
I put other things before Him, my own plans, my own desires. And rather than waiting on Him and following His lead, I ran ahead of Him. I set my eyes on the things that I want, growing closer to the world and farther from a perfect Father. All the while, I wondered where He had gone. But He wasn’t the one to move (Hebrews 13:5). I was.
Everything I was once so assured of, I became not so sure. The plans He had for me, the path I knew He was calling me to take—I couldn’t see it as clearly anymore.
It’s the little choices, the ones where we choose the world over a perfect Father, that lead to this distance. Then we begin struggle with sin because we forget that He’s better than all the world has to offer.
When we’re in love with Him, it’s easy to walk in the way He calls us to walk. But when we forget, when we lose our fire, it becomes so hard. When we taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8), we want more of Him. Have we stopped tasting? Have we stopped craving Him?
I had. And I wanted so desperately to get back—to a place of deep trust, a place of abundant peace, a place of resting in His love and goodness. One afternoon, when I had finally had enough, I wrote all of this down and cried out to Him for help. And this is what I found:
“You are a God of forgiveness, Gracious and compassionate, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness; And You did not forsake them. Even when they made for themselves A calf of molten metal… And committed great blasphemies, You, in Your great compassion, Did not forsake them in the wilderness; The pillar of cloud did not leave them by day, To guide them on their way, Nor the pillar of fire by night, to light for them the way in which they were to go. You gave Your good Spirit to instruct them, Your manna You did not withhold from their mouth, And You gave them water for their thirst.” Nehemiah 9:17-20
He never left, and He never will. That’s the God we serve: a God who does not forsake us when we wander, a God whose presence goes with us even when our hearts are far, a God who provides manna in the wilderness, and a God who gives living water to quench our thirst. Here’s my prayer for you and me today and everyday:
Declare your dependence on God.
God, You are gracious and compassionate, and You love me so much. I choose You above everything else. You are always better (Joshua 24:15).
Ask for forgiveness.
Lord, forgive me for what I’ve put above You, for the distractions that have taken Your place. Purify my heart, cleanse me of my sin, make me new (Psalm 51:10).
Refocus your eyes on Him.
I turn my eyes upon You, Jesus. You are my everything. You are the cloud that guides me by day and the fire that guides me by night. I choose to realign my life, keeping You first (Hebrews 12:2).
Invite His presence, His power, and His peace into your life.
I open up my heart to You again. I pray for Your presence to cover me, for Your power to fill me, and for Your peace to rest on me (Hebrews 10:19-22).
Believe in Him to meet your needs.
Father, I thank You for Your Spirit who instructs me, for the manna You feed me, for the water in which You quench my thirst. I believe that You can and will meet all of my needs according to Your glorious riches (Philippians 4:19).
And I pray now, for whoever reads this, that the Lord would flood your heart with His love, that He would give you a fresh desire for Himself and His word, that He would open your eyes to see more of who He is. I pray for a greater fire and for a new song to sing. I pray the Holy Spirit would remind you of the promises and the dreams and the plans God has for you.
May we never forget that nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to the peace that comes with being close to Him—the God of immeasurably more (Ephesians 3:20), the God of abundant redemption (Psalm 130:7), and the God of everlasting love (Romans 8:39).
