Single & Dating

Single and dating. This is a tough one.

Most of us in college fall into one of those two categories. We talk about relationships so much, because we want it so much. It makes sense that it’s on our hearts. We were told that this is the place we’d find someone, but for many of us that hasn’t been the case.

Where do we draw the line between wanting and waiting, trusting and pursuing, being hopeful but feeling hopeless? It’s a difficult balance. Even in dating relationships, there’s trouble. They end sometimes just as quickly as they begin. And we’re left with a bunch of brokenhearted people, searching to fill the areas of their hearts that have been left empty.

All of this talk about love, dating, and even marriage creates so much angst and fear. What if the kind of person I’m looking for isn’t out there? What if I never find someone to love me the way he did? What if it doesn’t work out with this one? What if I end up waiting too long?

To the one who’s single,

I know it’s hard. It’s hard planning your future not knowing what will happen and who will be a part of it. It’s hard going from date party to date party just hoping that the next one might be different. It’s discouraging when you look and look but can’t seem to find what you’re looking for.

But can I tell you something? If you’re in that season of singleness, that’s exactly where God wants you to be. What He’s doing in your waiting is so much more important that who you’re waiting for. He’s growing you and shaping you to be the kind of person your future spouse is praying for. Imagine that. Not only is He readying you, but He’s got a mission for you right now. He has a call on your life, something so specific that He wants you to discover before you get wrapped up with somebody else. He wants the holes of your heart to be filled by Him, first and foremost.

But most of us look to other people to fill that void, to heal those hurts. That’s why we chase after relationships. We feel the need to go out and find what we’re looking for ourselves. Most of the time when we do this, we end up settling. Big time. Because we were the ones to pull it together. But don’t you think the God who made you also knows who’s best for you?

So I encourage you with this: wait for the Lord. Wait for Him to bring the right one. Don’t wait begrudgingly like a people with no hope. When nothing is certain, anything is possible! This should excite us. Because although we don’t see it, we have faith. That’s what this whole thing is about. We serve a God who does the impossible, a God of immeasurably more, a God who delights in giving His children good gifts. If we would only trust Him.

“‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I have hope in Him.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him” Lamentations 3: 24-25.

“And you will know that I am the LORD; Those who hopefully wait for Me will not be put to shame” Isaiah 49:23.

To the one who’s dating,

I hope you didn’t skip what’s above, because it still applies. You carry your singleness into every aspect of your life. Your purpose, your calling, your level of contentment, your devotion to the Lord—it’s settled in your singleness. They don’t disappear just because you start dating someone.

And even when you’re in a committed relationship, there’s still fear and uncertainty. There’s still so much unknown. There’s an even greater temptation to look to the one you’re dating for satisfaction, to be everything you need. But people weren’t designed to do that. They’ll let you down, they’ll say and do things that hurt you.

Sometimes they’ll even walk away, it won’t work, and you’ll wonder why. In those moments, remember to Whom you belong. Remember that you are called, that you are loved fiercely, that you are so much more than the person you’re ‘talking to’.

“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us,” Ephesians 3:17-20.

To close, I’ll say this: let’s be a people who hope in God. Specifically, for most of you reading, let’s be women who plant our lives in the promises of God—not putting all of our hope in finding a husband or in the security the world has to offer, but in the One who hung the stars. He’s the One who created and cares for our hearts.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come” Proverbs 31:25.